Why is the article important to you FLR women and men
It was my idea to write this article because porn addiction is an issue which I am quite familiar with. As I started to research this article, I knew in general terms that porn addiction consumes your time and sometimes your money. I knew that many times, the addicted persons were not the only victims. I was also recently made aware of a new phrase for porn as it relates to FLR: FLR dark. As I went deeper into my research I saw for the first time just how dark it is. My hope with this article is to show how destructive porn is -- not just to those of us seeking FLR, but to everyone else who are caught in its grasp.
Mental health professionals estimate that there are between 18 million to 24 million Americans addicted to porn at any given time. I come to write this article from a perspective that is by no means unique. I was one of them. I became addicted to porn (Femdom) from my late teens to my mid 20's.
There were periods when I abandoned the addictions, only to return. I married at 27 and thought now that I could have real sex with a wife regularly, I would have no desire for porn -- WRONG! I never sought help with my addiction so it just kept coming back.
The fact is, I was hooked on porn long before I got married and I was not really going to be satisfied in the long term with "vanilla" sex. After a couple of years of marriage, I began to crave the kinky fantasy sex I used to see in porn clips online. I didn't have the courage at the time to ask my wife to fulfill the kink craving because I feared she would be completely turned off by my requests.
My solution to my "dilemma" was foryouporn
to just secretly look at porn. The problem was that when the craving takes hold again, it becomes an obsession. I was constantly thinking about it. It takes up my thoughts at work and at home and wherever I may be.
A few years into our marriage I finally got up the courage to bring my fantasies up to my wife. I know now that the approach I used then was not too helpful. Of course, I broached the issue from a sex standpoint. In my defense, back then in the early 90's I had not heard of FLR and did not know that there was any such thing as FLR households.
To my wife's credit, she heard me out and even agreed to play femdom games in the bedroom but no further. I was fine with that. I thought that would be enough for me. It actually was for a long time.
I am laughing now as I recall at one point during our marriage while we played, my wife developed this sadistic idea of using a single tail whip on me in the middle of the night. She would get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and the next thing I know, she'd turn on the lights and tell me to lay on my stomach. She would then use the whip on my thighs or buttocks.
As you may imagine, playing in the bedroom only was not good enough for me after a while. My solution? Porn. The same cycle again. Obsessing about it and looking for opportunities to view it. I felt guilty and sometimes even dirty. I was able to view it at work because I worked alone.
My wake-up call came when I was 32. My wife was diagnosed as suffering from breast cancer. Suddenly my addiction was a distant memory. I had more important concerns. As a Christian man, I prayed hard for my wife to be healed. I also knew that my prayers would not be answered if I had sin in my life for which I did not confess.
It was extremely hard for me. I felt incredible shame. I knew I had to do it, so I told my wife about my addiction. She was actually understanding and forgiving. Not surprising since she was focused more on her fight for her life.
I stood by and supported my wife as she fought hard and courageously. I watched her go through several recurrences. She never gave up. The day before mother's day in May of 2008, after 13 years of fighting, my wife passed away. We were six months away from our 21st anniversary. When I think back on the countless hours I spent wasting my time being away from her and looking at porn, I feel very guilty. I feel I've disrespected and dishonored my wife every time I engaged in that activity.
If my wife was not so focused on her fight with cancer, her response to my confession might have been different. It might have been like my sister-law's response to her husband's addiction with porn. She told me she felt sexually inadequate for her husband. Men who are addicted to porn are not the only victims of that addiction. Many other victims are left in their wake.
In an internet article written by Ryan Singel on November 19, 2004, for the magazine WIRED he called porn addiction the new crack cocaine. He said that according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate committee, pornography can lead to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction.
Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Cognitive Therapy, while testifying before the Senate Commerce Committee's Science, Technology and Space Subcommittee in November of 2004 had this to say about porn:
It is the most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today. She added: The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors. To have this drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it -- it's a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind. Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever.